Letting Go

Sometimes life is so obvious in the lessons it wants me to learn, I get excited, like I am cracking a code.  Today was one of those days.  I had a situation that was troubling me.  I wanted things to be different than they were with a person.  This situation comes into our lives in many ways.  Perhaps someone we really want to be friends with is sort of cold.  Maybe someone we like doesn’t return the love.  Maybe a friend is negative and judgmental.

Whatever the situation, there is the same basic storyline.  We get hooked into this person because we feel something with them…some sort of aliveness, love, comfort, companionship, fun.  Whatever the case may be.  That is fine.  We should open ourselves to people and enjoy all of the wonderful gifts they bring to our lives.  The problem comes when the other person, out of their own free will, pulls away in some manner.  Or they somehow fail to meet our (hidden) expectations (whenever you catch yourself thinking that someone “should” do something, that’s what I am talking about).  Instead of giving them the dignity and freedom to make their own choices, we try and force them to come back and give us what we want.  Why?  Because we have become dependent on them as the source of our good feelings.

This has a couple problems.  First and worst, we immediately lose sight of who we truly are. Those good feelings did not come from the other person, they arose within ourselves.  We are the source of everything we are searching for!  When I connect back with that truth, I feel myself regain my power, and my own direct connection with life.  All of the possibilities and joy and vibrancy of life are within me–no one else is holding the key to my own spirit.

The second problem is that we lose sight of the other person.  You start to say: “You ‘should’ be giving me this,” because I need it.  Not cool.  Then you end up feeling weaker than you actually are (see problem #1 above).  You have to grant the other person the absolute freedom to be who they are, and make their own choices.  What a beautiful, respectful move.  That is the exact same freedom and unconditional love you want yourself!  So give it to someone else.  Love people for who they are, not what they give you.  Or, as the case maybe, bow to their soul and recognize you will never be friends.  Same deal, either way.

I  have been on the other side of this equation.  I can say that when someone is trying to looking to you for something they should be finding within themselves, it does not feel good.  It places way too much pressure on you.  It prevents you from giving this person the love you actually want to give them.

So the words of the day are LET GO.  Give people the complete freedom to make their choices.  And know that all the love you want is within your own heart.

In love,

N

What This Blog Is About

This blog is a challenge to myself. 

For many years, I have read spiritual books, or books on psychology.  When I read them, I would get really excited, and think “Yes!  This is it.  That is what I feel inside of me.”   Then I would put them down.  And I would go back to daily life.  I couldn’t figure out how to connect the two, to bring what I was reading out into my everyday.  I also felt pretty strange/lame/full of myself telling anyone I was “spiritual.”  First, that generally was not cool.   People don’t generally drop God into their conversations (especially in the States).  Second, I was afraid I couldn’t live up to that promise.  I get scared, nervous, angry, and surely that would blow my cover and reveal me for the human being I am.  But most importantly, I didn’t “get” what a daily spirituality looked like.

That’s changed.   The simplest way to put it is that now I connect spirituality with daily life because my daily life IS my spiritual path.  And I am willing to own up to that and live from that place.

If I had to pin down the reason for the change, I think it would be that I started taking risks.  I just got tired of waiting for the books to come to life, and started “Acting Like I Know” (as Iyanla Van Sant would say).  I started to bring spirituality into my conversations with people.  They did not immediately weird out.  Actually, it let me connect with people in a whole new way.  I was encouraged.  I started to say, screw it, I am here, and so is my spirit, and this is who I am.  So what if people think I am crazy.

The more I have put myself out there, the more life has met me half-way.  So this is one major way of putting myself out there.  And what I want to talk about on this blog is what spirituality can look like when you are just an ordinary, TV watching, young(ish) person, who likes going to clubs, reading US Magazines, and is generally just living life.  It is not airy fairy and idealistic.  In fact, the moment you start to get too idealistic, you start pulling away from what is actually happening and what life is really asking you to do.  What a daily spirituality looks like, to me anyway, is a practice of living life like it is TRYING TO TEACH YOU SOMETHING.  And what is life trying to teach you?  The format changes, but the lesson remains the same.  OPEN YOUR HEART.  Open your heart to all of the pain, joy, laughter, tight places, sad facts, cold truths, and unbelievable brightness and beauty.  It is thrilling and vulnerable and alive.

So that’s what I want to write about.  Sometimes I will write about the small (or big) lessons is trying to teach me.  Sometime I will write about inspiring books or quotes that serve as an inspiration.  Sometimes I will write about people whose story inspire me, whether it be friends, businesspeople, celebrities, ect.

If this blog connects with your heart, I hope you join the conversation and leave comments.  I want to meet other people and learn from you and be inspired be you!  Give me a shout to let me know you feel me!

I will close with a quote I recently shared with a friend.  ”When you find another soul, you also find another particle of God, and if you reveal your own soul, you reveal a particle of God and give something divine to another person.” — The Pathwork of Self-Transformation, Eva Pierrakos.

From my heart and soul,

N