Love and Freedom

This message from Jada Pinkett Smith broke my heart open today, and I thought I would share:

Open marriage? Let me first say this, there are far more important things to talk about in regards to what is happening in the world than whether I have an open marriage or not. I am addressing this issue because a very important subject has been born from discussions about my statement that may be worthy of addressing. The statement I made in regard to, “Will can do whatever he wants,” has illuminated the need to discuss the relationship between trust and love and how they co-exist. Do we believe loving someone means owning them? Do we believe that ownership is the reason someone should “behave”? Do we believe that all the expectations, conditions, and underlying threats of “you better act right or else” keep one honest and true? Do we believe that we can have meaningful relationships with people who have not defined nor live by the integrity of his or her higher self? What of unconditional love? Or does love look like, feel like, and operate as enslavement? Do we believe that the more control we put on someone the safer we are? What of TRUST and LOVE? Should we be married to individuals who can not be responsible for themselves and their families within their freedom? Should we be in relationships with individuals who we can not entrust to their own values, integrity, and LOVE…for us??? Here is how I will change my statement…Will and I BOTH can do WHATEVER we want, because we TRUST each other to

do so. This does NOT mean we have an open relationship…this means we have a GROWN one. Siempre,       J

What a heartfelt, beautiful, and POWERFUL vision of love.  A love that deeply trusts the other person to show you all of themselves, not to hide the part that is “unacceptable” or scary.  True safety is rooted in freedom.  In that freedom, you find a love that is achingly vulnerable.   A love that is alive.

After the events of the last couple of years, I never want to revert back to the myth of a committed relationship that is afraid to let the other person be free.  That said, I struggle to find that space of freedom.  To let people go when they want to go.  To walk away when the other person can not give me what I want.  To allow that coming and going with grace, because I know and trust that I can have the type of relationship that I desire.  Thank you Jada for the inspiration.  I will continue to explore what is possible.

Keeping it Real: Know Your Ego’s Defenses!

hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil

Are there things in your life you are not allowing yourself to fully see?  Are you keeping them tucked away on the edge of your awareness where you can’t feel them?  What would happen if you let those things come fully into your awareness?

To live in a manner fully consistent with our truth, we must confront reality as it IS.  Not as we would like it to be.  Not as we imagine it might be some day.  What. are. you. feeling. and. experiencing. in. your. life. right. now.  There is pain there, and vulnerability, yes.  But guess what else is there?  YOUR LIFE.   True reality is that shaky, vulnerable place where you actually FEEL alive.  It is that open, spacious freedom where you realize you can actually ask for what you want, that it is okay to desire, that you are allowed to be human, and true love and connection are possible.  There is an incredible amount of vibrant energy there.

How do we live from this shaky open, true place?  If you are like most people, you have become so skilled at escaping reality that you do not even realize that you are doing it.  Our wonderful egos have protected our spirits in various ingenious ways.  When we were young and our egos were developing, these defenses helped us survive.  Now that we are grown, these same defenses constrict our awareness and distort our perception.

To be able to unravel our egos’ work and meet reality head-on, it helps to become familiar with the ego’s tricks.  With assistance from a book I am reading now, The Inward Arc: Healing in Psychotherapy and Spirituality by Frances Vaughan, here is a wonderful list of ego defenses.  Read them, know them, and learn to recognize when you are doing them.  As you become familiar with the ways you struggle to gain control OVER life, you will naturally relax these defenses and gain more clarity.  (I find that it is possible to sense the ego kicking in at an energetic level, a slight escaping or lessening of intensity.  This is part (all?) of what we are beginning to notice when we sit in meditation.)

Woo!  What a rush.  When you can SEE the truth, you can LIVE from the truth.  Like plunging into a cold pool, and laughing because the water is shocking but oh so refreshing . . .

EGO DEFENSES: COMMON WAYS TO ESCAPE REALITY

Denial (“Everything is fine.”)
Simply, the blank refusal to acknowledge what you do not want to see or feel.  When unconscious, you will not be aware that you are in denial.  All you will be aware of is that you think things are “fine” or “manageable” or you “can handle it” (often, denial can manifest as a weird insistence on your own strength to handle things).  You numb yourself out to your own pain or destructive patterns.  (Positive affirmations can work to increase denial.)

Projection/Blame (“It is THEIR Fault…”)
The inability to accept a part of your own consciousness, so you project it out onto other people.  Because you deny your own anger for example, others appear overly angry to you, and their anger might feel overwhelming or intense.  You then assume that the “cause” of your discomfort is the other person, rather than owning and accepting that the original discomfort comes from within.

Shame/Repression (“It is MY fault. . . “)
You are aware that you are feeling a certain way (angry, sad, vulnerable), but you do not think that it is safe or okay for you to actually be feeling that way, so you bury it.  Instead of just feeling that feeling, you feel shame and low self-worth.  I think of shame/repression as the flip side of blame.  Instead of pushing the energy OUT towards to the other, you pull it INTO yourself.  Either way, you are escaping the full brunt of reality.

Reaction Formation (“I’ll do it first.”)
To avoid being hurt, you become what you fear.  If what you are actually experiencing is a deep fear of abandonment, you might avoid this feeling by becoming really good at leaving people quickly.  If you are afraid of aggression and violence, you might become a bully to avoid feeling your fear and pain around this issue.  I am rubber and you are glue . . .

Rationalization (“Well maybe I didn’t actually feel that way . . .”)
You explain and justify whatever thoughts/feelings/action you judge to be unacceptable.  You feel something in the moment, but later on, you talk yourself out of it.  If you felt hurt or angry, you convince yourself that you did not have a “reason” to feel that way.  You move an intense feeling from your HEART to your HEAD, where you can dissect it.  In the process, you avoid processing your feelings and actions as they actually manifested.  (If we consistently cling to spiritual “knowledge” that does not yet exist at a heart level, we can rationalize away reality and actually increase our separation from life.  ”We are all one . . .” “I forgive you, because we are all love . . . ”  There is a reason why this often comes off as inauthentic!)

Regression (“I am so hurt!  Rescue me!”)
You feel pain/anger, but instead of taking ownership of it, you make the other person responsible for fixing it.  You don’t recognize the ways that you are creating the conditions that allow this pain to arise.  In a sense, you project your own power onto the other person because it is too scary to recognize it in your self.  (As Marianne Williamson says: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”)

Finding Energy to Move Through Daily Life

Tonight I had dinner with two close women friends.  We are all in different stages of our lives.  One is not currently working, but managing property.  One is running her own spirituality-based business.  And I am currently working for a company.

Despite the different stages in our lives, we all connected deeply when the entrepreneur among us spoke of the feeling of having to drag herself to accomplish things.  ”It seems like there are always things to do, and it gets overwhelming, and I just don’t want to do them anymore.”

Our conversation made me realize two things that I wanted to share with you.

First, if you also feel secretly overwhelmed and exhausted by the seemingly endless demands of life, you are not alone.  You are not doing anything wrong.  There is nothing wrong with you.  This is life.  It is demanding and requires us to meet its challenges again and again.  I know that I have a hidden belief that other people–especially those who are doing fulfilling things like running their own spirituality-based businesses-don’t have to deal with everyday crap.  It is a relief to know that I am not in the remedial class of life.  No matter how much you love what you are doing, it can be a drag to get things done.

The second thing I realized is based off of what Thomas Huebl shared this weekend.  (See here for my other post on his speech.)  He said that when we end the day depleted, the issue is not what we did.  The issue is how we approached our day, how deeply we connected with what was going on.  When we learn to be fully present, then we emerge energized and vibrant.

What these two insights open up for me is this.  The idea that there is some “end” out there . . .  just around the corner . . . maybe if we fixed a few things. . . took care of a a few more . . . is an illusion. Something else will always arise.  We can, however, find freedom and peace and ease by completely surrendering to what is on our plate.  If we give ourselves 100% to the task in front of us, there is no friction and no drain.

Rather than pretending I have the answer to how this is actually accomplished, I will honor these insights by shifting the question I am asking.  Instead of daydreaming about some alternative life where there are no more demands (“When does this end?”), I will ask myself: “How can I dive more deeply into the life I already have?  How can I open more fully to the demands of daily life?  Does the rhythm of my daily life require a break right now?”  Oftentimes by shifting our perspective, we find the answer we are looking for.

How do I Stop Thinking and Feeling? Answer, You Don’t!

from a higher perspective, there is beauty and peace in a hurricane

 

“We have to make a relationship with our emotional energy. Usually, when we speak of expressing our energies, we are more concerned with the expression than with the energy itself, which seems to be rushing too fast. We are afraid the energy will overwhelm us, so we try to get rid of it through action. However, once you develop a harmonious relationship with your energy, then you can actually express it, and the style of expression becomes very sane, right to the point.” — Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

 

One of the biggest misconceptions about Buddhism is that it is about getting rid of things: thoughts, feelings, the ego.  It is not.  If you focus your efforts on getting rid of things, all you do is spend even more energy caught up in the very thing you are trying to throw out.    At first you might start out angry about something.  If you try and resist that anger, all you end up with is anger AND guilt about being angry.  If you try and make a thought go away, all you end up with is a new thought: I should not be thinking about that thing (which you then immediately think about again).

It’s like those Chinese finger toys–the harder you pull, the tighter it holds you.

What you can do is develop a higher level of awareness so you can watch these thoughts and emotions arise, rather than identify with them.  I think about the process of disidentification very simply.  The thoughts/emotions are visitors. I stay present and watch/hear them do their thing.  I keep an open heart and a grounded presence, even as I feel/experience anger, sadness, mental jumpiness, ect.  I give them my full attention, but I do NOT let them live inside me and start pulling my strings.  And after a while, they run out of energy.  Then, I let them go.

So the idea is not to get rid of stuff.  The idea is to practice operating from another level that doesn’t get caught in the drama.   Actually, our thoughts and feelings can be important and valued guides.  If anything, I am working towards becoming even more open to my feelings and thoughts.   This helps me develop kindness towards myself and others, and grow more spacious and grounded internally.

It also helps relationships.  The more deeply I allow myself to feel sadness and pain around something, the less I need to create a story about why I feel this way (he is to blame, I am to blame, she is to blame).  Sadness is just sadness.  Anger is just anger.  Both of them are just strong energy moving through me.  Just feel them without pushing them away.

If , after feeling my emotions, it seems appropriate to express them, I can do so with a clear mind, taking full ownership of what I am feeling (see my last post on non-violent communication for more about owning your emotions).  People are much more receptive to you when you come from this place.  As Chogyam says, you can be sane, right to the point.  If you hurl your emotions at someone and say: “This is your fault!” you can’t be too surprised when they throw that ball of sh*t right back at you.  If you can approach someone and say: “I felt really hurt when you did this.” then you have created a safe space for them to empathize.

So, bottom line:  don’t try and get rid of your feelings and thoughts.  Just work on developing a better, saner relationship with them.

What is your relationship with your emotions?  Do you believe them?  Do you act on them?  Do you try and ignore them becuase they scare you?  Or are you strong enough to let feelings move through you without getting confused?

Do You Know Yourself?

“The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed.”  –Albert Einstein

Do you know yourself?  Most of us would say yes.

What do you mean?

Do you mean that you know your habits and preferences?  That you like ice cream, and hate to floss?

Or do you mean that you know your strengths and weaknesses?  You are a kind person who has a difficult time being patient?

Maybe you mean that you know yourself in terms of your relationships with other people?  You are a sister, brother, friend, lawyer, of this age, in this place?

It is true–our particular combination of habits, preferences, qualities, and relationships can be beautiful and rich.  

I love and appreciate these unique qualities in myself and others.

The way that my good friend stopped eating meat a young age because she cared so deeply about animals suffering.  The way that my other friend has a ridiculously deep barrel laugh.  The way that my other friend always has something funny and sarcastic to say.  And my own particular qualities . . . how I am a bookworm.  How much I love dancing.  How it feels to be a friend, daughter, sister, woman.  These particular qualities can be an integral part of who we are.

But I also wonder–are we more than just lists, habit, relationships? 

What is the deeper essence of ourselves that these things reflect?  

Think about those moments when you are going along in the normal stream of life, and you catch a gap where the normalcy of everything suddenly goes out like the tide.  One minute you are pumping gas, thinking about work, and the next minute you think:  “What am I doing?  Who am I?”

It can be a bit disconcerting!  We tend to paper over those moments, shake it off, dive back into our lives.

Whew, that was strange, got a bit spacey for a minute, what was I thinking about, oh yes.  Gas, work, gym, dinner.  Mmmm… maybe some coffee…would love to read a nice book.  Before we get too freaked out, we are plugged back into our routine.   Ah, the familiar.

What if we didn’t run away from those moments when we lose our points of self-reference?  What if we embraced the idea that none of our self-definitions can even come close to capturing the full, direct experience of what it means to be alive?

A lot of wonderful things happen when we let go of the idea that we know ourselves . . .

There are so many more possibilities when you do not know who you are.

There is so much less to defend when you admit that you have no clue.

You travel much more lightly when you walk through life with an open mind.

Instead of trying to constantly match your actions to a static self-image, you can relax and just ACT.   Surprise the hell out of yourself!

And in the space that we create by dropping all of our preconceived notions about who we are, we create a void, a space . . .

. . . a space for mystery

. . . a space for new possibilities

. . . a space for Grace

. . . a space to truly get to know who we are, not as we imagine ourselves to be.

Hello, I have no idea what I am doing or who I am.  What about you?  

Tantric Love Bomb

“Everybody wants to let go, but how do you let go if you don’t hold things, if you don’t touch things in full consciousness, with a totally open heart?  In Tantrism, the first thing is having the experience of touch, of profound contact with things, with the universe, without mental commotion.  Everything begins there: touching the universe deeply . . . In seeking to let go before taking hold, one doesn’t understand the profound dynamic of love, the fabulous power we all possess.  We are all like bombs ready to explode with love . . . Agreeing to touch the other is agreeing to make this bomb explode.”  - Devi, in “Tantric Quest” by Daniel Odier

This post offers the naked energy of my own being.  I touch my Self in your presence, so that both of our hearts can wake up.

Like dropping over a cliff, I let go of all questions, all defenses, all doubts.  There is no resistance.  A tingly rush sweeps through my body as I free-fall.

I EMBRACE this moment, exactly as it is.  I feel every part of my body say yes.  I invite the universe in to myself.  I shiver when I touch the ground of the present moment.  The wind is full.  My body is full.  The taste of my mouth is full.  The movement of my breath is full and complete.  I feel the fullness of me.  I ache with this fullness.

Let this very moment touch you too.  As the sunlight hits your face, let it penetrate your ribs, your stomach, your pelvis, your lips, your heart.  Let the emotion stirred by these words enter your heart, your body.  Let yourself grow warm.  Let your heart out from its cage, let its desire for connection sweep through you.

I ALLOW myself to be, exactly as I am.  I am complete.  My beauty–the fact that I EXIST–takes my breath away.  I possess a fabulous power.  I see myself, and I have no end.  There is nowhere to go with myself, nothing to do.  I burst into being.  I am here!

Unfurl yourself, and let yourself be vast.  Touch your own beauty.  Let the sensation of being alive electrocute you.  Feel your fierceness.  You are on fire.  Go deep, deep within the center of your own being, and find that you have no end too.  You are infinite.  You EXIST.

I OPEN to your gaze.  I let you see me.  I stand unadorned.  I allow myself to be magnificent.  I open my heart completely to you.

Allow me to see you.  Stay connected to the ground of your being as you meet my gaze.  We connect.  You are noble, and utterly powerful.  Your sheer gorgeousness breaks my heart.

How deeply can you let yourself be touched?  How much can you stand?  Can you admit how beautiful you are? Even if you close up the next moment, for just this moment right now can you let the Universe in?  Let me in?

Let your longing take over, even if it starts out as no more than a half-remembered ecstasy.  Give yourself permission to feel.  Let it grow, become unbearable.  Connect with that constant, underlying ache to fully open to life, and allow it to rip through you.  That longing IS your own power . .  . the bomb ticking.  Open to it.  It is who you are.

For just a second, allow yourself to explode.

A Full Experience of Helplessness

“The only way to ease our pain is to experience it fully. Learn to stay with uneasiness, learn to stay with the tightening, so that the habitual chain reaction doesn’t continue to rule your life.” –Pema Chodron

I love discovering spiritual principles at work in the world around me.  They are unexpected and surprising, yet perfectly formed.  Like a nautilus shell, or a starfish.

Recently, I have discovered the beautiful symmetry of helplessness.

I have always hated feeling helpless.  So I make sure I am not helpless.  I am the one flagging the waiter down to get the check, making an extra call to double-check that there is really no availability, finding a way, someway somehow.  Useful, yes.  Rewarded, often.  And also, a way to escape the feeling of helplessness itself: a refusal to admit that nothing can be done, that I lost, that I am vulnerable, that I can be hurt.

In my last relationship, I often struggled with feeling helpless.  The person I was with at times chose not to listen to me, or could not hear me.  And so . . . I talked calmly, I talked loudly, I argued rationally, I made emotional pleas, I threatened, I begged.  And maybe, eventually, I got my way.  Until it all fell down and the cycle started again.  Rather than truly own up to this cycle and my part in it, I simply insisted all over again that this person would hear me.  Rather than admit that this person could not meet me, I worked hard to hold up their end of the relationship for them.  Until one day life gave me the gift of making the dysfunction so bad I could not ignore it any longer, and I paid life back by paying attention.  And so I left.

Right now, I am in the final stages of ending this relationship, wrapping up loose ends.  And this person is still repeating the same patterns of broken promises.  And I–the new, strong me, who left–what do I do?  I feel helpless.  So  I leap right into my part: “He can’t do this to me,” or “I will figure out a way to get him to listen.”  The same broken record, stuck in the same broken groove.

But this time I catch myself.  Okay: I took the big step of ending the relationship, but I find myself back here again.  What do I still need to learn?  The answer arises naturally: the very thing I am struggling with IS the answer to my question.  I am back here so I can FEEL what helpless feels like.

The more I resist feeling a certain way, the more likely it is that I will “find” myself in situations that cause that emotion to arise.   To break the cycle, I need to surrender and let myself feel.    

I am trying to wake myself up, and my feelings are my alarm clock.  

Okay.  What does it feel like to experience helplessness?  The very first thing I become aware of is how much effort I have been putting into avoiding this feeling.  I was approaching life with a big sign that says “YOU CAN’T HURT ME.”

I surrender– I take down the sign.  Life can hurt!  It is life!  And people disappoint you and accidents happen and sometimes you lose.   Surprisingly, this admission feels like cool relief.  It feels sweet to be human.  It feels sweet to be capable of being hurt.  This IS life.  I can feel life touching me, because I am not trying to hold it at a distance.

Emotions are like a knot that only tightens the more I pull against it, and then as I relax it slips free.

I let the messy, vibrant energy of LIFE sweep into this vulnerable place I have been trying so hard to protect.  My heart relaxes as I release my grip.  And as I relax, light and space and movement rush in and blow away the last shred of my resistance.

And I laugh because I suddenly understand why I have been trying so hard to not let down my guard.  I thought that if I experienced pain, if I “lost,” if a situation got messy . . . that it was my fault.  More than my fault: it meant I was not good enough to get it right.   I have compassion for the part of me that believed this.   I send love to myself, and gently let go of this belief.   Encountering obstacles does not mean I am a failure.  It is just part of being human.

Opening wide to the uncomfortable experience lets it become just that: an experience–a bird flapping through my sky.  I can experience it without identifying with it, without confusing it with who I a fundamentally am. 

Having reconnected with my own basic worthiness, I regain my true power.  Deep, full, expansive breath.   Suddenly, I have many choices before me.  YES I have the power to enter into this situation holding the highest intentions for both me and him.  YES I have the power to protect and honor my own needs–or, to give up the fight if that ultimately brings me greater peace and joy.  YES I have the power to forgive him.  YES I have the power to refuse to get drawn into a negative cycle.

Ultimately, I replace the illusion of control I tried so hard to maintain with a much more profound power.  Although I can not stop painful experiences from arising in my life, I always have the choice to meet them with love and integrity.

So what does all this mean?  Externally, nothing has changed.  I still have a tough situation on my plate.  But now I accept that it may not turn out perfectly–and that is okay.   I am no longer struggling with myself.

The symmetry is complete:  by experiencing ‘helplessness’  fully, I can let it go.

A Beautiful Experience of Community

Phew.  A lot has happened since the last time I posted.  Two weekends ago, I went to a Tantra retreat.   When I say Tantra to people, a lot of times I can feel them get weird, like they assume that there is some sort of crazy, wild orgy thing going on.  Tantra is not about sex, although it does not exclude sex.  It is not focused on it, and does not treat it lightly.  If anything, my experience with Tantra is teaching me to have much more respect and awe for sexual energy, and to honor its power.

But really, Tantra is about opening to life.  It is about fully embracing this human experience as a spiritual path.

This weekend, there were about 20 people in a house in Malibu on retreat.  What happens on a Tantra retreat?  There were many levels to the practice.  There was energy work–chakra breathing, chanting, both alone and with a partner.  There were fun, playful, simple practices like: do something nourishing with your partner.  What seems simple can turn into something deeply meaningful, food for the soul.  There  were group practices with the women and men apart.  There was dancing  And, very importantly, there was the circling practice, where we all sit around and talk about whatever–big, small, mundane, profound–we are going through in a safe space.  You can say anything and it is okay.

All of this work happens in an energetic and physical container–a place outside of our normal patterns, with the strength and safety to allow us to explore and grow.  As we did all this work inside this container,  slowly but surely, we all came out of our shells.   We left behind that thick cocoon of ego/fear/habit/striving/craving/posturing/politeness that normally hides us from each other and from life, and stepped naked and vulnerable out into the space of the group.

And in that naked vulnerable space, we were more available to give and receive love than I have. ever. felt.  We cheered for each other.  We cried for each other.  We told each other when we scared each other, or when we made each other mad.  We listened to whatever the other had to say.  We were silly and playful with each other.  And finally, we celebrated each other.

There was so much energy and love going around that I just yelled at the sky, skipped down the road, cried and laughed at the same time.  I feel a very soft and vulnerable side of myself emerge.  It felt safe to be beautiful, and tender, and sweet.  It felt safe, and right, to tell people I loved them.  It felt safe, and right, to be loved.  Everyone just seemed to fragile and sweet, and strong at the same time.  Myself included.

I wish I could pull every person in my life that I care about into that space, so I could directly interact with their heart free of all of the crap that usually keeps us apart.  I feel a deep longing for that sort of deep and authentic connection on a regular basis.  I want to touch the sweet part of everyone that longs for the same thing.  Not to solve or fix anything, but just to see each other as we really are.

migration

the single moments pass unnoticed
until one catches in a bright light
through the windshield and morning traffic
the rainbow in the sky
the creaky walk to the midday bathroom break
the soft fall of night with tea and these words
finally released to the page.

like oliver’s wild geese
i chase these moments
as they flap
strong-armed
through my day and out the other side

i stand silently in their wake
torn by their inevitable passing
too mesmerized by their migratory spell
to see that even the dull ache
of my office chair
has wild goose magic

Don’t Be Afraid to Give Unconditionally

I have a budding interest in entrepreneurship, and am beginning to educate myself in this area.  This week I decided to sit in on a call hosted by Alexis Martin Neely with George Kao about social media and marketing.  Even though I have no immediate plans to go out on my own, it was a great way to “practice” stepping in that direction and gain exposure to people daring to start their own businesses.  But the thing that really stuck with me during the call was what George said at the end.

“I love you.”

At first I was shocked.  This was a pretty straight forward business call, with terms like “events-based marketing” thrown around.  Yet at the end, Kao put that out there.  After I got done being shocked, I felt happy.  This was not a cheesy tag-line.  It was an unabashed open-hearted way to show up.   Kao did not ask our permission or make sure it was “safe” before he laid this out there.

He said it to remind us of a truth.  We are worthy of love and success.  And he is worthy of giving it. 

There is someone else in my life right now who is showing me how it is possible to show up in a really beautiful, giving way.  At my work, there is a woman who uses her own money to buy the office coffee, candy, and other types of food on a consistent basis.  She goes on trips for her anniversary and brings back presents for the office.  After I complimented her on her unconditional generosity, she bought me apples slices to snack on after a trip to the grocery store!  Again, not cheesy, and not motivated by anything other than a desire to be genuine.

Her generosity opens both her heart and mine.

It can be too easy to fall back into a small, fear-based space where we do not give freely.  Because there is no reason to be generous, like the holidays.  Because we are afraid of rejection.  Because we are afraid people will judge us for it or think we have ulterior motives.  Because we feel afraid of expressing our love and being vulnerable and shining.   Because who are we to say or do things like that?

Both of these people demonstrated small ways to move past all of these fears, and model a different way of being.  They are small actions, with one common, huge message:

Do not be afraid to give yourself unconditionally.

By their actions, these people have inspired me to pay it forward and look for opportunities to open my own heart for no reason.   And so.  I love you.  You are worth it.