Letting Go

Sometimes life is so obvious in the lessons it wants me to learn, I get excited, like I am cracking a code.  Today was one of those days.  I had a situation that was troubling me.  I wanted things to be different than they were with a person.  This situation comes into our lives in many ways.  Perhaps someone we really want to be friends with is sort of cold.  Maybe someone we like doesn’t return the love.  Maybe a friend is negative and judgmental.

Whatever the situation, there is the same basic storyline.  We get hooked into this person because we feel something with them…some sort of aliveness, love, comfort, companionship, fun.  Whatever the case may be.  That is fine.  We should open ourselves to people and enjoy all of the wonderful gifts they bring to our lives.  The problem comes when the other person, out of their own free will, pulls away in some manner.  Or they somehow fail to meet our (hidden) expectations (whenever you catch yourself thinking that someone “should” do something, that’s what I am talking about).  Instead of giving them the dignity and freedom to make their own choices, we try and force them to come back and give us what we want.  Why?  Because we have become dependent on them as the source of our good feelings.

This has a couple problems.  First and worst, we immediately lose sight of who we truly are. Those good feelings did not come from the other person, they arose within ourselves.  We are the source of everything we are searching for!  When I connect back with that truth, I feel myself regain my power, and my own direct connection with life.  All of the possibilities and joy and vibrancy of life are within me–no one else is holding the key to my own spirit.

The second problem is that we lose sight of the other person.  You start to say: “You ‘should’ be giving me this,” because I need it.  Not cool.  Then you end up feeling weaker than you actually are (see problem #1 above).  You have to grant the other person the absolute freedom to be who they are, and make their own choices.  What a beautiful, respectful move.  That is the exact same freedom and unconditional love you want yourself!  So give it to someone else.  Love people for who they are, not what they give you.  Or, as the case maybe, bow to their soul and recognize you will never be friends.  Same deal, either way.

I  have been on the other side of this equation.  I can say that when someone is trying to looking to you for something they should be finding within themselves, it does not feel good.  It places way too much pressure on you.  It prevents you from giving this person the love you actually want to give them.

So the words of the day are LET GO.  Give people the complete freedom to make their choices.  And know that all the love you want is within your own heart.

In love,

N

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14 thoughts on “Letting Go

  1. KVP says:

    I’m so proud of you for taking the plunge and writing this blog. I think it is brave of you and I think it is such an awesome undertaking for you. I also want to say that I think you underestimate how pervasive your spirituality is within you–you don’t have to drop it in conversations for us to know–it emanates:) I can’t wait to read more posts. I would be especially interested in hearing about your experiences at the various “workshops” (not sure if that is the way you would style them).

    • threedeelife says:

      Thanks so much KVP! I am so happy to have you as a reader and I value your opinions and input. I will definitely write some posts about my experiences at workshops–great idea.

  2. JRS says:

    What a great perspective – totally helped me reframe something bugging me this am. Keep writing!!

    • threedeelife says:

      The idea that my input can actually be useful to someone is amazing. Thank you so much JRS! And you are an amazing writer yourself, so I welcome any more comments you have on the style or substance!

  3. DOHA says:

    This is a fantastic blog. It’s beautiful, insightful, and honest. I’m lucky to have a friend whose company I enjoy, look up to, and learn from. GOOD FOR YOU! xoxo

    • threedeelife says:

      You are such a wonderful and supportive friend! HONESTY is one of the key things I am going for. Sometimes in retrospect I think, wow, did I write that? But in the moment, it is what I am feeling and thinking, and it rings true. I welcome any more input or feedback! xoxo back to you.

  4. HoLSTiCAT says:

    Thank you for this beautiful, vivid writing. Keep it up!

    • threedeelife says:

      YES! Vividness is such a great adjective. It means it is capturing a bit of the connection I have with what I write. So important. MEOW! Holisticat would be proud. Keep on reading!!

  5. Little d says:

    This is really great. I have always felt that I have a lot to learn from you, and I think it’s wonderful that you’re sharing yourself with the world (well, the internet world).

    I really like this post. I often feel the other side: guilt that I’m not living up to someone else’s expectations of our relationship. This is really insightful. Thanks for sharing.

    • threedeelife says:

      little d, your support and feedback is amazing. i have a lot to learn from you too (and i might even blog about it, watch out! lol) i will definitely write more about being on the other side of that equation. so many people, esp. women, struggle with our desire to keep people in our lives happy even when it feels off somehow… and then we feel guilty…. and then we try harder…or we suddenly pull away in resentment. there has to be a balance in there somewhere! i am currently trying to find it. 🙂

  6. Cristina says:

    Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your deep thoughts with the world. You are a very special amazing person. Your soul and heart glow with admiration.
    Let the words flow. Embracing your individuality is remarkable. You are a beautiful friend. XO

    • threedeelife says:

      you are such a loving person cristina, i can feel it through your post! and if anyone can teach me about embracing individuality and a passion for life it is you! thank you my friend. keep reading!

  7. […] I want to bring it back a bit to my post about Letting Go.  When I wrote that post I was in a local restaurant/bar down the street from my house called […]

  8. Luis says:

    My boyfriend and I just broke up after dnitag for 6 months. I know it’s not the end of the world, but sometimes it feels like it!!!! It wasn’t a bad relationship. We didn’t sin sexually. We didn’t have lots of fights. We just figured out that we weren’t compatiable long term. Our lives were going to 2 different places.How do you handle break ups?

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