Sometimes life is so obvious in the lessons it wants me to learn, I get excited, like I am cracking a code. Today was one of those days. I had a situation that was troubling me. I wanted things to be different than they were with a person. This situation comes into our lives in many ways. Perhaps someone we really want to be friends with is sort of cold. Maybe someone we like doesn’t return the love. Maybe a friend is negative and judgmental.
Whatever the situation, there is the same basic storyline. We get hooked into this person because we feel something with them…some sort of aliveness, love, comfort, companionship, fun. Whatever the case may be. That is fine. We should open ourselves to people and enjoy all of the wonderful gifts they bring to our lives. The problem comes when the other person, out of their own free will, pulls away in some manner. Or they somehow fail to meet our (hidden) expectations (whenever you catch yourself thinking that someone “should” do something, that’s what I am talking about). Instead of giving them the dignity and freedom to make their own choices, we try and force them to come back and give us what we want. Why? Because we have become dependent on them as the source of our good feelings.
This has a couple problems. First and worst, we immediately lose sight of who we truly are. Those good feelings did not come from the other person, they arose within ourselves. We are the source of everything we are searching for! When I connect back with that truth, I feel myself regain my power, and my own direct connection with life. All of the possibilities and joy and vibrancy of life are within me–no one else is holding the key to my own spirit.
The second problem is that we lose sight of the other person. You start to say: “You ‘should’ be giving me this,” because I need it. Not cool. Then you end up feeling weaker than you actually are (see problem #1 above). You have to grant the other person the absolute freedom to be who they are, and make their own choices. What a beautiful, respectful move. That is the exact same freedom and unconditional love you want yourself! So give it to someone else. Love people for who they are, not what they give you. Or, as the case maybe, bow to their soul and recognize you will never be friends. Same deal, either way.
I have been on the other side of this equation. I can say that when someone is trying to looking to you for something they should be finding within themselves, it does not feel good. It places way too much pressure on you. It prevents you from giving this person the love you actually want to give them.
So the words of the day are LET GO. Give people the complete freedom to make their choices. And know that all the love you want is within your own heart.