I have had a great week so far. Major highlights: new friends, local dinner parties, and of course, attending the Watch the Throne Tour. Nothing gets me excited and alive like dancing to some music that goes HAM. And yes, musings about dance parties belong on this blog. As do poems about walking home at night. This is all about finding the light in the daily.
But I want to bring it back a bit to my post about Letting Go. When I wrote that post I was in a local restaurant/bar down the street from my house called Fishbar. While I was there, the bartender asked me what I was writing about. Now, not only was this guy a bartender, he also had a striking resemblance to Paul Bunyon. Full facial beard, stalwart disposition, tall, strapping. So I had my misgivings as I took a leap of faith and told him I was blogging about spirituality and daily life, and described my post about Letting Go. Turns out that beneath his mountain man exterior was an open heart. When I finished, he nodded, and said, “Yup, that sounds about right. But you also have to remember that it is okay to have that feeling of need in the first place.”
WHAT! Bunyon the Bartender broke. it. down. He actually hit on one of the key parts of Letting Go. See, the thing is that you can not force yourself to Let Go. Like, I cannot say, “Nicole, you are being stupid, how could you have been so foolish at to have these needs, stop it immediately.” I am not a robot. I am not trying to be hard.
We are vulnerable people who want love. We have to love and forgive and have compassion for that part of us that wants connection. And the moment we forgive ourselves for having those feelings, we actually see them for what they are: a very sweet part of ourselves that wants and needs our own love. In loving ourselves, we stop demanding things from the outside world that are not realistic. This is not a one-time deal. When I am going through something where I have to let go, I sometimes feel like I am walking around just cradling my heart in my hands, going “It’s okay. I love you.” Over and over and over until I regain my power.
Alright people, that is it for this post. And remember: don’t be afraid to get deep with your local bartender. They might have some real-life wisdom to share.