The past month has swept me away in a rush of things to do. Early rising straight to the gym, long commute, lots of work, writing an article searching for a new job, finding a new job, weddings, bachelorette parties, dinners with friends.
On the surface, there is a lot of activity, but underneath I feel a bit stuck in the eddies of everyday life. I want a spark. I long for a transformative experience to touch me deeply. I want an AHA! Or an Ahhhh . . .
Part of this intuition is probably right–I need to create some more space for me to connect with my higher self in the midst of all this running around. Some breathing room for my inner voice to come through. Some down-time to set my intentions and delve into my creativity.
AND there is also another lesson I am learning here, and one that this blog is all about. It is about not needing to escape every day life to feel connected to a higher sense of purpose. It is about opening up to this deeper connectedness by fully meeting the rough and tumble of daily life.
Viewed from this perspective, the way out is through. In addition to creating “time out” from life, I am also being called to embrace the messy mad rush of life more deeply. I am being challenged to let go of my ideas about what feels spiritual and connected, and find new and different ways to open my heart. Instead of rejecting whatever is in front of me, I am being asked to live it more fully.
My Tantra teacher, Charu Morgan, refers to this continual process of accepting whatever is rising up in life as “softening into” our experience. When we feel something uncomfortable, we tend to harden against it. We resist. When we resist, we fight life. When we soften, we let life have its way. We let life move through us. We let life touch us.
Writing this post is an acknowledgment of where I am at right now, and a way for me to embrace and soften into it. By naming and owning up to my current level of consciousness, I am bringing this pattern into the light. I am also helping myself honor and understand that being in touch with the spiritual side of life does not mean I have to be in a super-fired up state all the time.
Actually, the more I hold on to a rigid concept of what my spiritual path “should” look like, the further away I get from what life is offering me right now. The mundane experiences of life are a great chance to wake up, to get out of my head about what things should be like, and experience them as they actually are–which is way beyond anything I could imagine. That about sums up the point of Buddhist meditation in many respects.
As I write this, as I acknowledge and soften into my discomfort, I also feel another layer of truth coming through. The truth is that there is a purpose and spirit and divinity moving through life, even when it is not hitting me over the head. I am relaxing into faith and gratitude.
Where are you right now? How are you feeling? Is there some sensation, some intuition tickling the back of your mind that you can acknowledge, feel, and soften into? When you relax into it, what new insights come to you?
Love and blessings for your journeys,