Mykonos: Paco, what do you feel right now in your heart?
Paco: I don’t know, not much.
Mykonos: Your friends are going to die. You are going to die. This is a fine woman. She wants to feel your heart. We all want to feel your heart.
Paco: Well, maybe I dont want to give you my heart.
Mykonos: Fuck you, Paco. — David Deida, Wild Nights
Our world is divided into two forces: the masculine and the feminine. The bee pollinates the flower. The man penetrates the woman. Consciousness pierces space.
All of us carry the capacity for both masculine and feminine energy. Masculine energy is presence and purpose. It is solid. Feminine energy is life, motion, light, beauty.
Sexual energy arises out of the polarity of feminine and masculine energy. The male energy is attracted by the radiance of the feminine energy. The female is drawn to the masculine’s presence and depth. His undivided attention provides a structure and support for the female energy to shine even brighter, letting go of all defenses that would block her beauty.
In our modern world, the artfulness and sacredness of this polarity has been lost. Or it appears in a degraded form. Women (and some men) dress provocatively to get praise and attention for their egos, rather than as an outward manifestation of a deeper power. Men (and some women) chase after money and status to prove their worth, without learning how to cultivate real masculine integrity and presence.
This weekend I attended a workshop by David Deida, who has published many books on sexuality and spirituality. I came away in love with the raw power of feminine energy. I felt like a temple-keeper for this incredible goddess that happened to live in my body, ancient and nameless, that makes flowers grow, waves move, and bodies rot. And I also felt like the Goddess herself.
Now I understand why I have repeatedly gotten feedback not to over-structure my travels over the next few months. I thrive off of unstructured freedom because it is a feminine mode of existence. It makes me feel more vibrant, alive, and creative to not have a specific plan.
I also came away with a better understanding of what I am looking for in a man. Deida’s description of the feminine longing for connection echoes the part of me that is vast and intense, and that craves an equally powerful force that is capable of diving deep enough to meet me.
I want a man to let me feel his heart. Not a touchy-feely sharing circle, or a pseudo-spiritual staring contest that substitutes for real connection. I want the rootedness and strength of a man: alive, present, open, and attentive. Willing to share himself and be touched.
Many guys are scared of intimacy because they are afraid of being vulnerable. I get it. Connection with many potential dangers: heartache, shame, possessiveness, jealousy. These may be avoided by staying unconscious, superficial, at a distance, unavailable. But what else is life for? Let me feel your heart Paco!
Okay, so what about the juicy Tantric sex stuff? Deida shared stories of what sex is like when the masculine and feminine forces are fully activated. The couple synchronizes their breath. The man breathes through the woman so that he starts to be able to guide her energy. Instead of ejaculating, the man recirculates this sexual energy through the woman. Not only is the man flooding the woman with sexual energy, he is also flooding her with consciousness (the essence of masculine energy). He does this in part by being infinitely receptive to her responses. The woman loses self control–her physical responses become spontaneous as her normal boundaries disappear into a vast bliss. As Deida put it, she has been fucked to God.
And these teachings go beyond sex. We will all be too old for physical sex at some point. Or we may not want to have sex for other reasons. What do we do with this longing, this power, then?
Ultimately, the union of the masculine and feminine is a vital expression of our our own longing to merge with God. The world is the feminine– ever in motion, changing, full of beauty, but also merciless and harsh. She is all things, full of life even as it changes to death. The masculine is our own consciousness. Union happens when, no matter what shit or amazing pleasures the world throws at us, we keep our hearts open instead of collapsing or hiding. Stand strong and let the world crack you open with her beauty and pain. Let me feel your heart Paco.