Love Song to Myself


art work by Allison Kunath

Back from my travels, I checked in with my Tantra teacher last weekend. My overwhelming feeling as I entered her house was how grateful I am that I know her and have found the community she offers. When you travel by yourself for months you really get to appreciate the value of a home as opposed to just another place. Charu offers a home. A home allows you to relax places you didn’t even know you were holding tight, and get more fully into your core. I like meeting people in this space. I trust them more. I am more interested in who they are because I can see who they are more clearly. I feel more tender. Life feels raw and meaningful . . . the field where Rumi said we would meet . . . the backstage of life.

We did a brief exercise where we practiced giving each other space to talk and empathizing with whatever the other person is saying. Women in particular seem to find this exercise extremely satisfying. David Deida says that the biggest gift a man can give a woman is presence. I truly believe that. Not an overwhelming intrusive presence that forces things, but an unwavering presence, like a good love song that says I see the world and you in it and you are just right.

When it was my turn to speak, my stream of consciousness thoughts poured out in a jumble of different experiences and questions and desires with no clear end in sight. My partner listened earnestly and then struggled to summarize my feelings and needs. When Charu my teacher listened, she spoke just one line. She said it sounded like I was going through a lot and felt an urge to ground myself and find my own truth. It rang like a bell.

This one line from Charu is the reason for my post here tonight. I feel like giving myself space to speak my soul is a big part of my truth. When I write, I can give voice to the deeper observations and insights and pains and joys that I draw from life, and put my heart on the page without worrying about being too heavy or feeling unheard. I can just let life flow through me unchecked. I haven’t posted so frequently since I started traveling, and I definitely feel a call to re-establish this practice.

What Charu said is also the substance of my post. I am in place in my life where I am exploring new territory and it can be overwhelming and exciting and sometimes make me wonder if I am doing it all right. Charu reminded me that I don’t have to worry about figuring it all out. If I get quiet and live life from a grounded and authentic place, my own truth will speak to me.

So in the end, tonight is about loving and honoring the space I create to connect to myself and to Spirit directly. This internal communion is my own Presence. I become my own home. I appreciate myself as a reflection of the wonder of life. As my friend Allison put it in a beautiful art piece she created, “May every love song remind you of yourself.”


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