This message from Jada Pinkett Smith broke my heart open today, and I thought I would share:
Open marriage? Let me first say this, there are far more important things to talk about in regards to what is happening in the world than whether I have an open marriage or not. I am addressing this issue because a very important subject has been born from discussions about my statement that may be worthy of addressing. The statement I made in regard to, “Will can do whatever he wants,” has illuminated the need to discuss the relationship between trust and love and how they co-exist. Do we believe loving someone means owning them? Do we believe that ownership is the reason someone should “behave”? Do we believe that all the expectations, conditions, and underlying threats of “you better act right or else” keep one honest and true? Do we believe that we can have meaningful relationships with people who have not defined nor live by the integrity of his or her higher self? What of unconditional love? Or does love look like, feel like, and operate as enslavement? Do we believe that the more control we put on someone the safer we are? What of TRUST and LOVE? Should we be married to individuals who can not be responsible for themselves and their families within their freedom? Should we be in relationships with individuals who we can not entrust to their own values, integrity, and LOVE…for us??? Here is how I will change my statement…Will and I BOTH can do WHATEVER we want, because we TRUST each other todo so. This does NOT mean we have an open relationship…this means we have a GROWN one. Siempre, J
What a heartfelt, beautiful, and POWERFUL vision of love. A love that deeply trusts the other person to show you all of themselves, not to hide the part that is “unacceptable” or scary. True safety is rooted in freedom. In that freedom, you find a love that is achingly vulnerable. A love that is alive.
After the events of the last couple of years, I never want to revert back to the myth of a committed relationship that is afraid to let the other person be free. That said, I struggle to find that space of freedom. To let people go when they want to go. To walk away when the other person can not give me what I want. To allow that coming and going with grace, because I know and trust that I can have the type of relationship that I desire. Thank you Jada for the inspiration. I will continue to explore what is possible.